Whenever we roam be beside me

when you’re allone when you go

When no one comes along. And for all we

Wander, Encounter and Open

Allways curl up with me.

Give me Pain, Past, and Fury.

Betray my way.

I won’t abandon you.

-Mark Z. Danielewski

New Years Day, and the reality of a new year hasn’t even begun to hit me.

It’s much like having your 20th birthday and feeling no different than when you were 19.

Hilarious considering how much has changed since January ‘07. I’ve fallen in love, moved across the country, lost what little I owned, incurred even more debt, lost weight, became a “transient”, met up with a few new people, developed a few new attitudes, adopted a new lifestyle, and said “fuck you” to college pretty much for good.

Mirrors-that is what I really wanted to talk about. Fuck the new year. Years will always be born, and then die. It’s a ritual. Maybe one day we’ll stop measuring time in years, can’t see it happening soon.

Fact: People are mirrors to each other. Any person one meets on the street and yells at will probably yell back, or become afraid mirroring the exact fearful and angry traits the original person gives off. Now smile. Chances are that random person will smile back. See? Mirrors. A person that one knows more intimately is able to give sharper images. Think soul mates, if you believe in them.

Now sometimes King Crab, you hold up reflections of me that I don’t want to see. You’re not ugly often if ever. But I see those character traits in myself. Often I’ve reacted defensively instead of apologetically. I should apologize instead of coming up with excuses for my behavior. Today, in a book of all places I was confronted with an image of how I’d like to see my behavior. It was rather humbling, and made me cry.

I want to melt in the worst way. The thing I’m afraid of, is the thing I want the most. It terrifies me, excites me, and makes tremble and shake all over. I dream of melting, screaming…love.

I had a New Years resolution or two. I might have forgotten it already. The champagne was good, the sex was better. Tortilla chips and salsa, superb. Spending it with the only man I’ll ever love was the best part.

This is it then: I want to lose my fear and identity, I want to be absorbed by you completely, I want to melt, and come out looking like liquid gold for it.

Oh Raven, I could never walk away from you.

Happy New Years, Looneyboy.